


fear is born from the shadows

by laterslayer



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fear, Hurt/Comfort, Paranoia, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26261548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laterslayer/pseuds/laterslayer
Summary: "I will always be watching you from the shadows."Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye would never forget the night she was introduced to the first Homunculus.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 14
Kudos: 67





	fear is born from the shadows

"I _will always be watching you from the shadows."_

These were the words that repeated themselves in the lieutenant's mind. It was relentless. Again and again, they whispered in her ear. They were not the threats of some seasoned soldier, of a known enemy, but that of a monster --one that stole the guise of a child.

It was unnerving.

No. No, it was not just that...

It was... terrifying. A visceral, instinctive fear. That of a prey already caught in its predator's clutches, their sharp teeth bearing down on their throat. Just waiting for the crunch of bone and splattering of blood.

Before now, Riza had felt nothing quite like it. Her time in the military made her no stranger to conflict, to putting her life in danger. But humans were, after all, well... human. They were familiar by nature, just as they were predictably flawed. But this... this was a force that was perhaps as old and mysterious as time itself.

A Homunculus.

The monsters of legend --only legends were seldom built so closely on fact, the monsters but clumsy fabrications. This was _real._

This was not the first such foe Riza had encountered, of course. Lust, Gluttony... she had fought against them both. And yet this Selim Bradley, this _Pride_ , was so distinctly different. She felt it in her very marrow, in the way her blood had run cold the moment she sensed him. It wasn't just the childish form that this monster inhabited.. It wasn't the eyes that peered from the darkness, nor even the hands that reached out from the same shadows.

It was the contempt.

The pure, uninhibited disdain, and the sheer nonchalance of it. The knowledge that she could be crushed beneath their thumbnail like a gnat-- not because it was necessary or to gain any ground, but simply because they wanted to. Because they _could._

_I will always be watching you from the shadows._

Everywhere.

That's where shadows could be found. No matter where one was, no matter the time of day, shadows were present in every facet of everyday life. They existed in every nook, every cranny, at the very base of every creature. Even now, a long shadow could be found at her heel.

_I will always be watching you from the shadows._

Daunting though it had been, it was not the hollow, physical threats that stuck with her, but _this._ The idea that even now that _thing_ could be watching her, and without her even realizing it. As a gifted sharpshooter and trained sniper, it was nearly impossible to sneak up on her. Her military training had taught her to catch every movement, to perk her ears at every sound. To take note of even the slightest change in the wind, be it the direction or the strength of the breeze, as even that could alter the path of a bullet.

It was ingrained in her to the point of being second nature, yet now it would prove useless. After all, how could one possibly sense a _shadow_?

Though something the lieutenant had never paid much mind to before, the gloom that draped across the cooridoor now drew her weary gaze. She wasn't naive. She knew that at this point she was simply giving in to paranoia. After all, why would Pride have let her go only to accost her again, and so soon? It wouldn't make any sense. Not from a tactical standpoint, at any rate. She was already threatened, the Homunculus' point already made. Even so, she feared the unease clawing at her mind was not something that would dissipate anytime soon.

_I will always be watching you from the shadows._

The key turned in the lock and Riza nudged the door open in front of her. Like the hallway, the darkness that shrouded her apartment now held an air of menace. A sea of pitch black, it ended just at the threshold where she remained firmly planted. Suddenly a glimmer could be seen from within as two perfect orbs stared back at her.

_Eyes._

Flinching, Riza's hand instinctively reached towards her belt. Yet almost immediately she stopped short. _Panting_. The coolness of the metal could still be felt on her fingertips as her hand moved away from the holster. When she flipped the lights there was no Homunculus, no monster there to greet her. Only Black Hayate. The shiba inu peered up at her, his head tilted just so. A heavy sigh passed the lieutenant's lips as she trudged into her apartment. With the wall firm against her back, she allowed herself to crumple to the floor.

"I'm fine" she breathed. The words were not just for Black Hayate, the loyal pup having trotted to her side, but for herself as well.

_I will always be watching you from the shadows._

Riza released another slow, steadying breath. "I'm fine.." She scratched behind the dog's ears, her fingers burying themselves in the soft, warm fur. Though her heart was still practically beating out of her chest, it helped. Now more than ever, she was grateful he was here... She was certainly in need of the company right now.

_BrrriiiIINNNGGGGG_

Riza's head jerked upwards. It was the telephone... just the telephone. She knew that. Even so, any progress she had made in calming herself was now pushed to the wayside. Though Black Hayate continued nosing at her palm she no longer felt comforted by the touch. In fact, she could no longer feel it at all. Not the cold press of his nose nor the lap of his tongue; not even the tickle of his whiskers. Instead, all she could focus on was the wild beating of her heart. That, and the memory of those eyes peering at her from the darkness. It had been the same, then --the drumming in her chest as those accursed hands tugged at her skin. The hands of death. Cold, just as her skin was becoming now.

_BrriiiiIINNNGGGGGG_

The pounding in her ears was steadily growing louder, the din matched only by the ringing of the telephone. It was deafening.

_BrrrrriiiIIIINNNNNNGGGG_

Finally, Riza managed to scrape up enough resolve to climb to her feet. Swallowing the fear that had formed a lump in her throat, she lifted the phone from the receiver.

"Hello..?"

"Good evening, Madame," a voice crackled on the other end of the line. "The flowers you ordered are ready for delivery."

The feeling that overcame the lieutenant was one that could only be considered relief. Yet when she spoke next her words were clipped, her initial panic having quickly given way to anger. "I didn't order any flowers!" she snapped, her grip tightening on the handset. How pitiful... reacting like a frightened child to something as mundane as a phone call.

"Alright, sorry..." the other voice sulked. "I got drunk and bought a ton of flowers."

This gave Riza pause. _Wait..._

"I'd be really grateful if you'd help me get rid of some."

 _Colonel Mustang.._ She had been so stricken that, in her relief, she hadn't even realized who the voice belonged to. _Roy..._ Riza sighed, a hand coming up to rest against her forehead. Suddenly it felt as though a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. _It's just the Colonel..  
_

Still, the words that came next made her start.

"What's wrong...? What happened?"

 _How did he..?_ Quickly Riza regained control over her voice. "Nothing, Sir," she assured him. "It's nothing."

There was a pause. Then, "Really...? Are you sure?" The lieutenant could hear the doubt that colored his tone.

"Yes, Sir. I'm sure." Somehow, despite the circumstances of that evening, despite the sweat that still clung to her brow, Riza managed to keep a measured tone. In truth, it did not prove too difficult in this moment. Talking to the Colonel, hearing his voice... It was more than enough to assuage her fears. It always had been, ever since they were kids.

"About the flowers, Sir," she proceeded after a moment, "I don't own a vase." She smiled faintly, her eyes closing as a bead of perspiration slid down her temple. "Thank you for calling, Colonel..." The phone clicked back against the receiver and the lieutenant released another, softer sigh. Black Hayate sat at her feet, tail wagging and head cocked in curiosity. Kneeling down, she gave his head a good pet.

"How does he always have such uncanny timing?" Riza wondered aloud. Her dog gave a _woof_ in answer before jumping up to rest his paws on her knee. Instead of correcting the behavior, she simply sank down to pull him into her arms.

* * *

Riza stood over the sink as she worked through the dishes that had accumulated from the day before. While it certainly wasn't many, it was still unusual for her to leave behind any at all. Typically she cleaned up after every meal so that every dish, every utensil, could promptly be returned to its proper place. It wasn't just something that had been drilled in from her time at the academy, but a habit from her childhood.

 _Cluttered spaces lead to cluttered minds_. This was something her mother had imparted on her long ago, before her passing. It was why she lead a fairly minimalist life with few personal possessions aside from the necessities. It was also part of the reason why she was so adamant the Colonel not allow himself to get behind on his paperwork. Though certainly not the predominant worry weighing on her mind, the thought of his cluttered desk still made her scowl.

_I will always be watching you from the shadows._

Riza turned a mug over in her hands as she rinsed it underneath the tap.

_"What's wrong..?"_

The remaining suds now gone, it was momentarily set down on the rack so that she could grab a fresh towel. _Wash, rinse, dry, repeat._ It was soothing in its simplicity. Yet just as she was returning the mug to the cupboard there was a knock on the door.

_"What happened?"_

Riza swore under her breath before sucking the edge of her finger into her mouth. She glared down at the broken ceramic that now littered the counter, the taste of blood bitter on her tongue. Once again she was allowing herself to be started like a child. It seemed only fitting that the Homunculus responsible for reducing her to such a state be named Pride. The irony was surely not lost on her.

Despite the inner scrutiny that would follow, Riza allowed a hand to rest above her holster as she made her way towards the door. The lateness of the hour alone was enough to arouse suspicion, the events of that evening notwithstanding. With them in mind (as if they had ever left), it was understandable how her heart had once again taken up an erratic pace. It was because of this that she gave herself a moment's breath before releasing the deadbolt. And even then the opened door was braced with her boot planted firmly behind it.

Yet she was not greeted by the sight of some monster or other foe, but of sunflowers. At least half a dozen, they jutted out from a plain white vase. Just behind it a mess of black hair could be spotted. Coupled with Black Hayate's excited yapping, Riza found herself completely disarmed by her confusion. Before she could even form some semblance of words the Colonel's head poked out from behind the bouquet of yellow, green, and ocher. 

"You said you didn't have a vase," Roy reasoned in that vaguely smug manner of his, "Not that you didn't want flowers."

When Riza didn't move from the doorway the Colonel quirked a brow. "May I.. come in?"

_I will always be watching you from the shadows._

Almost reflexively the lieutenant further reinforced the door with her knee. The slight movement this caused was not lost on the colonel, his expression faltering just so.

"So, earlier... are you sure Elizabeth is alright?"

Riza couldn't help the guilt that came over her then. The fact that Roy had begun speaking in code meant that he thought she was under duress. Had she truly become so terrible at concealing her emotions, or was it simply because this was the Colonel?

It was then that Riza realized just how precarious the situation was. How unorthodox. To her knowledge she was alone, true, but who was to say Pride wasn't lurking in the shadows, listening to them even now? She couldn't risk compromising the code.

"Yes, Elizabeth's fine," Riza sighed. It wasn't difficult to feign exasperation. After all she _was_ fine... wasn't she?

"No trouble down at the shop today?" the colonel continued. Even as he spoke she could see the way his gaze moved past her into the apartment.

_Is there someone in there?._

"No, nothing out of the ordinary as far as I can tell."

_No, but we can never know who may be listening._

The colonel nodded, the change in his expression so minute it would've been missed by the untrained eye. Riza, however, spotted it easily. She knew that Roy understood there were cards at play, even if he didn't understand what they were. If they were to continue this, they would need to act as if another pair of ears were listening --and another pair of eyes, watching.

When Riza spoke next she allowed herself to do so genuinely. She felt that he was owed at least that. Not just for coming down here to ensure she was alright, but for having caused him to worry to such an extent in the first place.

"Thank you for the flowers, Colonel." The faint scent of earth tickled her nose as she accepted the vase into her arms. They were lovely. Her favorite, in fact. Then, after a moment's consideration, "On second thought, why don't you come inside?"

Riza wasn't certain if this was wise; it would be impossible for her to know for sure. But with all things considered, it was unlikely that inviting the colonel in for tea could possibly worsen their current situation. Their team had already been split up, each reduced to pawns cast to opposite sides of the board. And in their exile they were working under the close supervision of Fuhrer King Bradley and the other Homunculi. With her assigned directly at his side as his personal assistant, she was little more than a hostage to keep the Colonel in check. They were already accustomed to having to keep an eye over their shoulder... What difference could one more threat possibly make at this stage in the game?

Now that she was no longer blocking the doorway Black Hayate was free to give the Colonel a proper greeting. Well... sort of. With a wagging tail the shiba inu sat at his feet as if to act as a temporary gatekeeper. Only when given the affection he deserved was Roy allowed to pass. As Riza took the flowers over to the counter she could hear the door shut and the Colonel hang up his coat, the toll having been paid.

"You know sunflowers grow on the side of the road, don't you, Sir?" Riza needled as she filled the vase with water.

"That's where I found them, actually," Roy answered sheepishly. When she glanced over her shoulder he was rubbing at the back of his neck. "Despite all my booze-filled spending, this was the only kind the florist didn't have. They're still your favorite, right..?"

Riza couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. "That's right." Still, it was short-lived, for the question the Colonel asked next made her expression falter.

"So, Lieutenant, are you going to tell me what happened to your cheek?"

"It's just a scratch," Riza assured him, bristling. 

"That isn't exactly what I asked."

By now his own countenance had shifted, the concern clear in his eyes. Scratch or not, it was unusual for someone to get close enough to take a swipe at her. Her expertise was in medium to long range combat, after all. It was only to be expected that the Colonel assume it related to her unusual behavior that evening.

Still, Riza couldn't just tell him that Fuhrer King Bradley's son was a Homunculus as well. Not here, not now. It would only broaden the target already on his back. The message would have to be encrypted, and not just in the ways of their usual "shop talk". It would take some time to come up with a message that adhered to their already-established cipher. In the meantime--

"It's nothing, Sir, really."

If Roy's demeanor was anything to go by this was far from the satisfying response he had anticipated. "You can't talk about it, can you, Lieutenant?"

"No, Sir." At the very least she could be upfront in that regard. Riza turned her attention back the flowers then. The Colonel really had plucked these directly from the ground, and had done number on their stems in doing so. She set about clipping the uneven ends before returning them to the vase. These flowers were ones she intended to make last as long as possible. "It's been a rather long day..."

Roy hummed. "I can see that, Lieutenant. By now you should be relaxing, not still in uniform. Hell, you haven't even let your hair down yet." 

Almost reflexively Riza brushed a stray lock behind her ear. Footsteps could be heard from behind, but it wasn't until those familiar arms wrapped around her waist that she started. 

_I will always be watching you from the shadows._

"Colonel--"

"They already know, Lieutenant _._ It wasn't by mere convenience or happenstance that they reassigned you, too. There was a strategic reason; they knew they were taking away my _Queen_."

Riza couldn't help the faint chuckle that passed her lips. Turning, she allowed herself to fold into his arms. "You and your ridiculous chess metaphors, Sir," she mumbled. His chest was warm against her cheek. After the briefest hesitation her own arms wound up around his back. The Colonel just held her that much closer, his chin resting atop her head. 

It was such a simple thing, an embrace. But here in this moment these arms were her sanctuary. It never failed to amaze her how Roy could have such an effect. To illuminate even the most suffocating darkness. Even when they were young...

When the Colonel withdrew it was only to place a kiss upon her brow. "I'll make some tea, Lieutenant. You go get yourself settled."

"Is that an order, Colonel?"

Roy smirked easily in turn. "Think of it as more of a friendly suggestion. Tea's still in the top cabinet, right? Or would you prefer something stronger?"

"Tea sounds just fine, Sir." 

* * *

The remainder of the evening passed by with an ease Riza never could have anticipated. And it was all the Colonel's doing. Fresh from the shower, the first thing she had done was change into her usual house clothes (complete with her pink cardigan and slippers) and comb out her hair. Then came the rest if her normal routine. She folded up her uniform, leaving aside what needed to go in the wash, and set her boots by the door. Even her pistols were retired to their usual spot atop the dresser. Though the shadows still drew her eye, she no longer felt the need to have them on her hip.

After Colonel Mustang bandaged the cut on her cheek they settled in with tea, Black Hayate on her lap. Soothing lemon balm with a hint of honey. And... they talked. About work --the more mundane aspects, at least--, and how the others were fairing in their respective new units. How Falman had always been miserable in the cold, and how Fuery was excelling in the field despite its challenges. They talked about Havoc's recovery and how he was turning around the family business, how the Elric brothers were still finding it impossible to stay out if trouble. They discussed things as they always had, finding comfort in the sheer simplicity of catching up with one another. 

Eventually the hour had grown late even for them and Riza walked the Colonel back down to his car, Black Hayate close in tow. Sure enough the vehicle was overwhelmed with flowers. Roses, daisies, lilies, and hyacinths spilled over the seats and pressed up against the windows. The sight was a comical one, and she felt the smile that softened her features. Honest and warm, it only strengthened when seen mirrored on the Colonel's own visage. And as she saw him off she felt a renewed sense of peace, for wherever there existed shadows, so too would there be light.

Although Pride's words remained at the edge of the lieutenant's mind, for she doubted they were something she would ever forget, they were no longer repeating themselves at the forefront. Even the memory of those eyes had disappeared from the darkness to leave only shadows.

She realized now that she had allowed herself to become frozen by her fear, and in doing so forgotten the importance of moving forward. After all there was no weakness in being afraid, only in allowing yourself to be trapped by it. She was fortunate Roy knew her well enough to tell when something was wrong. He had, and just as they had done for each other time and time again, he came to save her from herself. Even if that meant doing something as seemingly plain as bringing a bouquet of flowers.


End file.
